Lucifer (morningstar666) wrote in ringsresort,
Lucifer
morningstar666
ringsresort

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So, the devil walks into a bar..



Joelle: *is at the bar, drinking a coke when I spot this extremely odd looking guy that's one of Viggo's incarnations, but having not been to many movies, has no clue who the hell he's supposed to be*

Lucifer: *is very busy drinking enough alcohol to kill a mortal, bored as usual now that Alec is asleep*

Joelle: *has seen him go through so much alcohol, am surprised he hasn't keeled over from alcohol poisoning.* He's so going to die from his liver giving out. *has not realised I've started thinking out loud*

Lucifer: *is so used to all those annoying girls staring at me so I don't even bother looking up, though I should probably be insulted that she doesn't even have the intelligence to recognize me*

Joelle: *ponders this a bit more. then tells him* Your liver's probably going to give out from all that drinking, you realise?

Lucifer: *slowly looks up from my drink, stunned that someone would even dare to talk to me* Not everybody around here is human, you realise? *goes back to ignoring you*

Joelle: Oh! You're not human? *perks* What are you then? *ponders you* You're not even drunk!

Lucifer: *looks around, wondering if nobody will drag the annoying girl away from me before I have to hurt her* Why don't you go bother the guy behind the bar, the one wearing leather pants? He loves to fuck little girls.

Joelle: Oh, he fucked me the other night. Not here to be fucked, anyway. *nods* Who're you?

Lucifer: *looks you up and down* Fuck, Yorgi has bad taste. *gets back to contemplating the bottom of my drink*

Joelle: *nods* I told him that. He disagreed. His opinion I guess. Why're you drinking so much if you don't get drunk? *is full of questions today*

Lucifer: It kills time. Go away. *is briefly tempted to kill you just to shut you up, but then, I just got my powers back. Life just isn't fair. waves my hand around a bit to fill up my drink again*

Joelle: That's a crappy way to kill time. *is so not scared of you*

Lucifer: *slowly looks up at you* You're still there. Why?

Joelle: Why not? *blinks back at you* No laws against my being here.

Lucifer: People don't come talk to me. I'm not interested. Now go away.

Joelle: Well, I just came and talked to you, so that's technically incorrect. *ponders you* Don't know who you are though.

Lucifer: *raises an eyebrow at you, wonders how the fuck anyone could mistake me for mortal anyway* Very rude of you to ask, since you didn't mention your name either. Joelle. *smirks*

Joelle: I didn't ask. *nods at you* ... Hey, you read my mind! *is really interested now* So who are you and in what movie of Viggo's do you come from?

Lucifer: *has the vague hope you might actually go away when I tell you, though I have a bad feeling about this* Prophecy.

Joelle: *blinks at you* Never heard of it. What's it about?

Lucifer: The war in heaven. *smirks more*

Joelle: *slowblink* War in heaven...? *eyes you* Going by Hollywood standards, you aren't one of the good guys.

Lucifer: My god, it's intelligent. *rolls my eyes*

Joelle: What does intelligence have to do with anything? *retorts* You must hang around really stupid people.

Lucifer: Mortals are stupid, as a rule. Particularly the giggly girls around here. *eyes you*

Joelle: *shrugs* Sorry. Don't giggle, I'm afraid. It's idiotic. Um... well. Bimbotic, to be precise.

Lucifer: *sighs deeply and hits my head against the table* You know, just a few weeks ago, I'd have killed you to get rid of you.

Joelle: Why won't you kill me now? *curious*

Lucifer: None of your damn business. *eyes you again, wondering if dumping you outside of the bar would get me in trouble*

Joelle: *shrugs* If you say so. You were the one who brought that fact up. And you're out of alcohol now, in any case.

Lucifer: *shrugs, fills up my glass with only a thought again*

Joelle: Oh, that's pretty cool. *eyes your glass* What's that you're drinking? *is trying to identify the alcohol of choice*

Lucifer: What's the matter with you? You're not even trying to get me to fuck you and yet you're still stupid enough to come pester me. *looks annoyed* Whisky.

Joelle: What does that have to do with anything. *is highly annoyed* You don't even want to fuck me anyway.

Lucifer: People stay away from me. *talks slowly, as if you were a stupid child*

Joelle: *shrugs* Seeing as how you're so bloody insulting, I can see why.

Lucifer: I'm not paid to be nice. *ponders going back to wake up Alec*

Joelle: *snorts* You're not paid, period.

Lucifer: *shrugs a bit, throws a gold coin at you that I basically plucked from the air* There, a tip to leave me alone.

Joelle: *eyes the gold coin. picks it up* You still haven't told me what your name is or your role in the movie.

Lucifer: I'm the first angel, the most beloved one, until I was cast away from Heaven, yadda, yadda. The same old story. Go read the bible.

Joelle: Oh! Lucifer. That's pretty cool, but what the hell does black nail polish have to do with anything? *eyes your nails dubiously, thinks it's in v. bad taste*

Lucifer: It's not nail polish. *looks down at my nails, then back at you*

Joelle: Ah for you... of course! *shrugs* Poor you.

Lucifer: *stares at you in stunned silence*

Joelle: *eyes you curiously* What. Did I say something wrong?

Lucifer: Wait, you have to be insane. That explains everything. *nods to myself, drinks even more*

Joelle: Well, yes, but I knew that, already.

Lucifer: That's really nice, dear. *sighs deeply, finds eternity really long suddenly*

Joelle: Why the sigh? *curious as ever*

Lucifer: You're boring me. *bluntly*

Joelle: *rolls eyes* Well gee. Excuse me for trying to hold a conversation while you just throw on the insults. No wonder you're bored. *mutters* Asshole.

Lucifer: *stares at you, then unexpectedly starts laughing my ass off* Oh, alright, shut up and sit down. I can tell I won't get rid of you.

Joelle: *sits down* Probably not. *agrees with you*

Lucifer: I should wash your mouth with soap. *tsks at you*

Joelle: That wouldn't do any good. Just taste bad. *informs you tartly*

Lucifer: My, aren't you in a lovely mood. You should get Yorgi to fuck you again.

Joelle: *snorts* What does Yorgi fucking me have to do anything? *shrugs*

Lucifer: It could relax you. I don't know. I heard he's good at it. *shrugs*

Joelle: *nods in agreement* He's quite good at it.

Lucifer: *smirks as I shamelessly snoops around your memories* He got you with Russian? Interesting. *laughs*

Joelle: Stop that. *mildly amused* So I'm a language whore. *shrugs*

Lucifer: By the way, your sister is the one who broke the plate and got you in trouble when you were nine. *fills up my glass again*

Joelle: Oooh. That... urgh. I knew she was the one who did it. She's just horrible like that.

Lucifer: It's terrible. I'm sure you'll need years of therapy.

Joelle: *snickers* Over a broken plate? I highly doubt it

Lucifer: *looks distracted as I wonder how cranky Alec would be if I woke him up with a nice blowjob, forgetting you're even sitting there*

Joelle: *eyes you* What're you thinking of?

Lucifer: Sex. *drinks some more*

Joelle: Who with?

Lucifer: *raises an eyebrow* My boyfriend. *has no idea why I'm even bothering to give you an answer*

Joelle: Your boyfriend? Who is..?

Lucifer: You don't watch movies, honey, it wouldn't mean anything to you.

Joelle: Try me. I might have watched it.

Lucifer: Why are you asking, you want something to wank off to when you're lonely in your bed? *doesn't put nearly as much bite into my answer as I normally would* His name is Alec.

Joelle: Alec... Trevelyan?

Lucifer: *smirks at you then slowly starts clapping* Very good. It can think.

Joelle: She. *corrects you* I haven't seen 006 around here before, although I suppose I shouldn't be surprised

Lucifer: You know you're surprised regardless.

Joelle: Point taken. *nods* Guess you're both two of a kind. Fit together.

Lucifer: *looks surprised because I never really thought of Alec as being particularly evil* What?

Joelle: Bad guys in movies, and anyway, people like to slash Viggo and Bean together. *shrugs* It fits.

Lucifer: *slowly puts down my drink, then reaches over the table to grab you by your collar and drag you closer* You'll find that most of us don't particularly care to be compared to the fucking actors.

Joelle: *is not intimidated in the least* Ok. I'll keep that in mind.

Lucifer: *lets go of you with a groan of annoyance, remembers that I don't want to be fucking powerless again* You have so little survival instincts that you should be dead a hundred time over.

Joelle: We all die anyway. *philosophically. amends, eyeing you* Well. I do, at any rate.

Lucifer: Yes, you very much do. *looks smug*

Joelle: Well. There you go. *nods at you* Why'd you keep drinking whiskey. Taste any good?

Lucifer: No, it's terrible. *pushes my drink at you, would be terribly amused if you did try it out*

Joelle: *does try it. wrinkles face up* Ugh. Why on earth do you keep drinking such swill?

Lucifer: *chuckles, takes it back* It's about the only thing I can vaguely feel.

Joelle: Feel? *raises a brow*

Lucifer: It almost burns. Almost. *nods to myself* It's really sad.

Joelle: You want something that burns?

Lucifer: *eyes you strangely* Yes. Before you ask, I sampled everything in the fucking bar already.

Joelle: Figures, I guess. Get Yorgi to get you something stronger.

Lucifer: I don't need him to give me anything, I can get it myself. *looks bored again*

Joelle: So why don't you? I mean, seriously. Why bother drinking this crap if you can make a better drink that actually burns?

Lucifer: It tastes so bad that I actually notice it. Do you ever stop asking questions?

Joelle: Nope. *grins at you* Speak in any foreign languages?

Lucifer: *tells you in flawless arameic that you lost your fucking mind*

Joelle: *completely perks* Teach me whatever it was you said.

Lucifer: Sure, I'll do it in exchange of your soul. *says that with a totally neutral expression so that it's impossible to tell if I'm kidding or not*

Joelle: You can't take my soul. *calmly*

Lucifer: Not even if I made you able to learn any language in five seconds? *smirks*

Joelle: You can't do that either. *nods at you* I mean. It might work here, but not when I went back home.

Lucifer: Hm, that's an interesting question. If I gouged out one of your eye right now, would it still be that way when you go home? I should experiment.

Joelle: I don't think that's allowed, actually. I suppose if you did, I could demand damages from the resort.

Lucifer: *smirks* Oh, I'm sure that's not allowed, you got that part right at least.

Joelle: If you take my eye, I'll demand that your powers be taken away and you be locked in a fluffy pink room for all eternity, destined to watch barney in surround sound.

Lucifer: That's just evil. What's Barney?

Joelle: Singing purple dinosaur. He sings... *wrinkles brow and sings for you* I love you, you love me, we're a happy family...

Lucifer: *stares at you with a totally appalled expression* Shut up. Now.

Joelle: *beams at you. stops singing*

Lucifer: I'll never be the same again. *shudders*

Joelle: I hate the damn Dinosaur. *beams at you gleefully*

Lucifer: Fucking mortals. And god favoured those things why again? *mutters to myself*

Joelle: Beats me, but we supposedly were. *shrugs*

Lucifer: I don't expect you to answer when I ask rhetorical questions.

Joelle: If you say so. *is blissfully imagining you in a baby pink room of fluff and lace and a wide screen TV blasting Barney on loop in surround sound, with you wearing a pink gingham dress and your hair in pigtails with pink ribbons*

Lucifer: *slowly puts down my drink and gets up* I think I'll go now. *before I kill you*

Joelle: Okay. *waves cheerfully at you* I'll be seeing you around.

Lucifer: I don't think so. *sour expression, disappears*
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